Interracial Dating, A Contemporary “Fairytale”

Just before ringing in 2017, news broke that tennis great Serena Williams was engaged. Prior to seeing the pictures, I knew her husband would be white. Namely, the years preceding William’s engagement encompassed white men, or black men of a lighter hue. Williams’ selection of men who oppose the aesthetics of the man who raised her, symbolizes the complicated battle blacks endure to love themselves, let alone one another.jamie-nikki-pregnancy-photos-10-640x629

Williams joins the number of black female/white male couples that populate twenty-first-century popular culture. From YouTubers Jaime and Nikki and Gabe and Babe, to actresses Condola Rashad and Zoe Saldana, the contemporary world places black female swirling at the forefront of popular culture. To this, I want to state that I get it.

The heckling Williams received for being a black woman in what the western world silently deemed a space for thin, blonde white women, mirrors the very dynamic faced by countless black female bodies cast throughout the black diaspora. We as black women consistently face criticism for not having white skin, small features, or for having too many curves. The weave empire proved black female insecurity a goldmine—capitalizing on the demons hovering over the black woman who does not have long, thick locks. As a black woman, it is easy to fall into the nurture of western society and question your own beauty.

gabebabeMoreover, romantic endeavors with white men prove a reactionary measure to deeply embedded wounds cast and festered by a white supremacist society. No, this interracial union does not erase the wounds, but now those hypnotized
by western society won’t see what they’re conditioned to see as shortcomings—they’ll solely see two things: cute babies and status. Women who engage with white men incur a degree of insurance that their children would assume privileges denied to them as black women without the ability to “pass” as white or a fetishized race or ethnicity. This dynamic creates a pseudo- privilege to the black woman who can not physically escape blackness, but desires an escape, no matter how small for their children. Those granted a sense of freedom, however, see these unions for what they are—cowardice.

Yes, to put it bluntly, blacks who opts to engage with those outside their race or African ethnicity operate from a position of cowardice. Black love is hard. To love black is to choose to endure not only your plight with racism but your partner’s plight as well. To love black is to opt to run through the flames of white supremacy, not for a thrill but to maintain a collective integrity.  Yet contemporary society works hard to present interracial couples as bearing the burdensome backlash from the black community. However, it is the black couple who endures systemic backlash. It is the black couple that proves a threat to white supremacy, as it blatantly states that the white man’s ice is not colder. After all, there is nothing more haughty that a black who dares to love themselves.

I’ll be honest, as a black woman, my dealings with love have been a battle— a battle that becomes more complicated with each “accomplishment.” As conventionally successful women, Williams, Rashad, and Saldana undoubtedly faced romantic troubles due to their acquired success.These accomplishments symbolize white supremacy as they are often afforded to the black woman as a blow to the black male ego. These women like countless other black women may have faced opposition from black men holding them to European standards, standards that vehemently opposed their aesthetics.  Accessing the battles that black love often incurs seduces many into a selective amnesia that somehow cast black love as a larger burden than white supremacy, not a facet of its wrath.sebastian-vallentin-stenhoj-and-condola-rashad

Interracial dating is yet another means to seduce the black collective to forget all that is necessary to elevate us as a group. In this same spirit, many Williams, Saldana,
Rashad, Nikki and Gabe supporters will argue that their white spouses gave them love where black men gave them drama. However, the truth is these women gave up. Simply put, they symbolize a beacon of black women who acquiesced to white supremacy by saying yes to the descendants of white men who once owned their ancestors–or benefitted from their oppression. This perspective is not uncommon, yet strategically surfaces as a product of black female/white male relations. See, these relations easily cast the white man in a position similar to what movies and books teach young children. Stories like Cinderella, Snow White and Rapunzel all feature a white man as “prince charming” —saving the day and rescuing the female protagonists from obscurity or even worse, a quotidian lifestyle. In selecting white males, black women not only resume this narrative but cast themselves in the role of the “beautiful” white women who dominate these stories. However, there is a reason why none of those princesses where black women saved by white men–white men can not save black women because it is her disenfranchisement that fuels his privilege.

zoemarcoFurthermore, the black female and white male dynamic functions to forget that these unions are nothing new to the western world. Black women  have been concubines to white men  for centuries. These contemporary manifestations manifest many of the original attributes namely the unions function to castrate black men and fuel white supremacy.

Black female and white male unions function to designate the demographic that once raped and owned black female bodies, now love them. They function to differentiate the white slave master from from the contemporary white men, begging the masses to forget the slave masters were also “just white men” allotted the very privilege that hovers over his contemporary manifestation. The unions function to suggest that had consent been legal, many black females would have consented to being with their masters. While this may be true, it does not illustrate love it illustrates the depth of a white supremacist ideology. Thus, in its work to alleviate the burden of slavery on the American, black female and white male relations actually work to illustrate that this consciousness is virtually as
non-existent as our collective progress.

In essay  “The Psychopathic Racial Personality”  Black psychologist Dr. Bobby Wright brilliantly states the following:

“ Blacks kills Blacks because they have never been trained to kill Whites, therefore it is outside their experience. Historically, the Europeans system has encouraged the killing of Blacks. Because Blacks have been lead to believe that they are part of the psychopath’s system, they simply follow the practice” ( Wright 3).

In a similar sentiment, blacks have also not been trained to love blacks—-they have been extensively trained in direct and indirect methods to love whites. Black women have also been trained to covet western beauty and thereby lust after the traditional concept of womanhood that solely applied to non-male whites. Moreover, the black woman and white male dynamic compartmentalizes a myriad of issues, issues that demonstrate that the change implied by this union is not forthcoming but prevented by the many veils of contemporary culture. The black female and white male dynamic is merely another detractive measure placed in the contemporary psyche to render a series of behaviors that afford the masses the necessary tools to remain unconscious

 

 

 

 

36 Comments Add yours

  1. “In a similar sentiment, blacks have also not been trained to love blacks—-they have been extensively trained in direct and indirect methods to love whites. Black women have also been trained to covet western beauty and thereby lust after the traditional concept of womanhood that solely applied to non-male whites. Moreover, the black woman and white male dynamic compartmentalizes a myriad of issues, issues that demonstrate that the change implied by this union is not forthcoming but prevented by the many veils of contemporary culture. The black female and white male dynamic is merely another detractive measure placed in the contemporary psyche to render a series of behaviors that afford the masses the necessary tools to remain unconscious.”
    Wow! This was amazing Saaraa! One of your best posts I’ve read. I have to share this one. Thanks for this insightful post.

    1. kelley says:

      Why didn’t you tell me about this blogger/blog??! I’ve been missing out!

      1. Saaraa is my little secret.lol She’s the best right? She is great at dissecting films and television shows. She has a great eye for detail. I have a pretty good analytical eye and I can decode a lot of signs and symbols. But she is a much better writer than me. Hopefully one day I will be on her level. But go back and read some of her past posts. You’ll see what I mean. She keeps it real and is very honest in her writing. One of the best writers on WordPress(male or female). You have to admire that.

      2. So sweet! I’m trying to be on Ta-Nehisi Coates’ level…so I have a ways to go lol.

      3. You’re far too modest. You have it backwards. One day he will be on your level. 🙂

      4. kelley says:

        Definitely! Just glad I found her! And you’re a great writer, KP. We all have a unique way of conveying our thoughts. You know you wouldn’t have any followers or commenters if you sucked lol

      5. I second that Kelley!!! ❤

      6. Awwwwww….you’re so sweet! But don’t gas my head up like that.lol

      1. “Yes, to put it bluntly, blacks who opts to engage with those outside their race or African ethnicity operate from a position of cowardice. Black love is hard. To love black is to choose to endure not only your plight with racism but your partner’s plight as well.”
        I will have to steal this passage. It probably will offend some people…but it is so true. Sometimes the truth hurts right?

      2. lol, it absolutely does!

  2. kelley says:

    I love your analysis; the choices made go so far beyond just “giving someone a chance” or “being open.”

    My favorite line? There is nothing more haughty than a Black who dares to love themselves. Such a great breakdown of the thought process behind these harmful acts.

  3. Great post as a always.

  4. “Blacks kills Blacks because they have never been trained to kill Whites, therefore it is outside their experience.”
    What is this in reference to? People in america of any colour kill proportionally more of their own simply due to geographic proximity, so I’m confused as to this rationale.

    (Other than this question, interesting read, thank you.)

  5. Don’t forget to include Christelyn Karazin, the queen of Swirl who bashes Black men and women who don’t agree with her and was recently rebuked by a White male who goes by the name, Veganator.

    SB

  6. This was a brilliant post. Thank you!

  7. jason says:

    I know my thoughts may not be welcomed or agreed with, but I feel that people should be free to love whomever they wish.
    As most marriages end in separation or divorce and people are becoming more difficult to please. If a black sister finds love with a man who is of another race… by all means, open up your heart and let down your guards. Life is already hard, and time is fleating.

    1. Thoughts are always welcome! Agreement is not necessary or desired.
      But, I must say that your perspective, while idealistic in a non-racist world, seems an easy response to a very complicated dynamic.

      1. jason says:

        Lol.. it’s not an easy response in my opinion, but a reality of a optimistic perspective.
        Just like blacks migrated from Mississippi and Louisiana to Chicago and Detroit for the hope of a better life in the twentieth century, I choose to make decisions based upon hopes rather than my reality.
        I believe I have to power to speak things into existence and I’m patience enough to wait until it comes to past.
        I do always love reading intelligent written thoughts from a black woman.

      2. Please use your power to speak into existence the end of racism white supremacy, until that end, interracial sex should be avoided by non whites at all cost. A non white person having sex with a white person, is like an inmate having sex with the prison warden or a slave having sex with the slave master, or a college professor having sex with their student, a Army general having sex with a private, these situations are frowned upon in white society but white people are ok with bedroom integration. Lets save the bedroom integration until last and solve the problem of racism white supremacy first. A white person engaging in sex with a non white person is an act of maximum racist aggression.

      3. Very well said! I could not agree more 🙂

      4. jason says:

        In my heart, society will never have the ability to label me as a lesser person. I’m a man. I’ll never feel subordinate in my relationships, regardless the skin color of my wife, or how other people in society may view me. I see any sexual relationship as two people coming together (regardless of skin color)… and it’s more about how you view yourself, than how others view you.

        Yes, I do agree that some white people are racists. They view me as a lesser person, and only desire to promote themselves… but guess what, there are black people who are the same way in how they treat other blacks. So.. for that matter, I wouldn’t have sex or a family with anyone who viewed me as a lesser person.

        I’m an African-American male, who grew up on a farm in Louisiana. I know my perspective on life may be a little different from most. I respect your perspective.

      5. Your comments sound idealistic and I wish the way you present things were truly how things were. I have found in conversations about racism white supremacy with black people, most blacks are not willing to speak truthfully about our situation. This is no slight at you because most of us have not been willing to be honest about our predicament and I get it black people are in pitiful shape. However if we do not approach our situation truthfully, how do we ever take the necessary steps to “Get Out” of or successfully combat racism white supremacy? The truth is the racist white society not only has the power and ability to label black people, they have the will and the determination to label and categorize black people however they see fit and have done so, that is the truth, it doesn’t sound as good as what you said or what Preachers all across America will be saying on Sunday morning but it is the truth. White people have labeled us 2nd class citizens and they have also took the necessary steps and actions to make that class destination a reality for black people. Not recognizing the power of skin color in a racist white supremacist system is not only naive it can be life threatening. Another grave mistake black people tend to make is minimizing Racism White Supremacy the most dominant system that has ever been on planet earth the only religion on planet earth. To minimize racism white supremacy to only “some white people” you couldn’t be further from the truth. If it was only some white people practicing racism white supremacy then it would not still be in existence today. It’s a grave, grave mistake to minimize the most powerful religion of racism white supremacy to a few KKK members, Neo-Nazis, Skin Heads, Red Necks, nothing could be further from the truth, logic would have to dictate that, Billy, Becky, John and Susan are also engaged in the practice of racism white supremacy. The nice old white lady that smiles at you with the grandmother glasses on is most likely a racist too. Neely Fuller said that whoever has the ability to practice racism white supremacy, should be suspected of practicing racism white supremacy. This terrifies black people because we really want to believe in the theory of there being some “good white folks” there are not, there can be no good white people in a system of racism white supremacy, that’s like saying there are some good slave masters, if they were good there wouldn’t be any slaves and therefore wouldn’t be any slave masters. Likewise there cannot be any good white people in a system of racism white supremacy, if they were good white supremacy would not exist. Integration really helped to confuse a lot of black people, myself included, about a whole lot of white people. You said “but guess what, there are black people who are the same way in how they treat other blacks”. Of course there are, this is what the system of racism white supremacy produces, you will find large numbers of blacks engaging in dysfunctional anti-black, self destructive behaviors, this is standard operating procedures under white supremacy, most slave revolts were ruined by other slaves telling their masters. This is normal under white supremacy. However the people who are most to blame for all of the worlds problems and certainly all of black peoples problems, is white people. If you are with a white woman she views YOU as a lesser person and is most likely the reason she is with you. I also grew up in Louisiana, central Louisiana to be exact, I grew up riding horses and feeding cows and still ride horses to this day and occasionally still feed cows when I back in Louisiana. My people were Sharecroppers which is a deceptive white supremacist word for a different type of slavery. I try and do my best to pay attention to words because racism is embedded into the English language not to mention white people are master deceivers, that being said anything under 80 acres I myself do not classify as a farm, because I understand the relationship between black people and land in Louisiana and Texas and the history of black farmers and how whites drove black farmers almost to a point of extinction, I’m cautious when using that the word “farm” or “ranch”, reason being, I personally like to be honest with myself, we have several acres but it’s hardly no farm, white people have made it so difficult for blacks to earn a living farming that it’s not even funny. With the prices of grain and hay going up and farming machinery and blacks not having access to the necessary loans and capital that it takes to successfully manage a farm it’s nearly impossible for a black person to farm or ranch from a business standpoint, now I have quite of few cousins who have a few head of cows, one cousin has 30 head of cows, some have a few head of horses, some have a garden in the backyard, this is hardly farming or ranching, this is what I call an overpriced hobby. I say this to contrast white people who are farming and ranching, running 300 head of cows and upwards, farming hundreds and hundreds of acres and if I came from that, I would have never left, I would be there now, those type of numbers represent wealth and black people have been disenfranchised, land stolen and our labor stolen. There is a show now on the OWN network called Queen Sugar and it’s about a black family that has a sugarcane farm and how difficult the white people are making it for them, in fact the show is about racism white supremacy, and is a pretty good case study in the difficulties a black person will run into with whites when trying to do something constructive. White people got the land for free in most cases and pennies on the dollars in all the other cases. Not to mention companies like Monsanto, DuPont and Dow Chemical experimenting with Terminator seeds making it to where you have to go to these companies again and again to purchase your seeds, if that’s not devilish I do not know what is. I thank you for your perspective and I shared mine. If one has already went down the road of interracial it is generally to late to change that mind and that’s fine. I always say the time to talk about not going to prison is before you go, once you are already in prison then it’s too late to have the talk about things you can do to avoid going. I offer the same advice on Tragic Arrangements, sex between whites and non-whites. Lastly as victims of racism white supremacy most if not all black people have suffered with various degrees of anti-blackness, I know I have, it’s what the system produces almost without effort, my wake up call came in the 7th grade when I told my older college graduate sister that I was not African I was black, I told her I had never been to Africa therefore I had no connection to Africa. My sister was both shocked and appalled, she corrected me but I did not agree, that’s the power of white supremacy and going to school with white children and going to church with a black people who worship a white Jesus and living in a black hating society. My sister started buying me books, she bought me Malcolm X, introduced me to the teachings of Dr. Frances Cress Welsing and Neely Fuller, Dr. John Henrik Clarke and many more. I began to read and by the time I was a 10th grader I was a completely different individual. I cringe at thinking what I would have been if my sister did not hear me make that anti-black statement, I would have grew up to become one of many Zombies, a member of the Walking Dead. I encourage any black person to read it can help one find their way out of the prison of their own mind and white identification. I believe black women who seek white mates and black males who seek white women have a high degree of unchecked anti-blackness and self hatred. I cannot believe the color blind people who say they are color blind and love is blind but even with that handicap always manage to fall in love (whatever that means) with someone who is the opposite color. Very strange.

      6. jason says:

        Well, believe what you will… I hope it works out for you.

      7. It already has Jason, it already has.

      8. This is a phenomenal response!!! Wow!!!!

        By the way, I bought the Queen of Sugar book but haven’t read it. After hearing your synthesis I am much more intrigued to read it!

      9. Wow I Learn something new everyday, I had no idea the show was based on a book, I just added the book to my reading list. The books usually tend to be better than the movies or television shows, so I look forward to reading this book also. I found the show to be an accurate depiction of how difficult it is for black people to own land and try to do something constructive with it. You really have to bring your A-game because there will be opposition at every turn. There will be traps presented as opportunities. Once you read the book or watch season one it would really be nice to get your thoughts on a subject that has effected so many black peoples lives all throughout the South and I would be willing to bet, all throughout the country. There have been a lot of black people harmed by white people in general but in particular the black people harmed in those sugarcane fields down in Louisiana the only way I can describe it as horrific. One such atrocity was the Thibodaux, Louisiana massacre of 1887, if you ever find time check that out.

  8. You love who you love. I could not disagree more with this post. We are all Gods creation in the end.

    1. “We are all Gods creation” Do you have any proof of this? Why hasn’t love conquered Racism White Supremacy?

      1. Excellent query. I’m wondering the same thing myself.

  9. I could not disagree more with this post. You love who you love and love concours EVERYTHING. We are all God’s creation in the end.

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