VSB (Very Smart Brothas) Writer and Editor Damon Young posted a hilariously brilliant article last month entitled “10 Signs You’ve Just Met a Black Person Who’s About to Tell You ‘I’m Not Other Black People.’” Check out the original article here.
This list, captivating yet colloquial, reminded me of so many people I’ve met in the past who exhibited similar behavior.
Here are my additions to this list. In place of the pronoun “they” this list will implement the unisex name Jamie to reference these fictive black anomalies.
Things Blacks who are “not like other blacks” say or do
- “I don’t like soul food”
- “Who?” ( pretends to not know a popular figure that happens to be black i.e. Beyonce, Biggie Smalls, Tupac, Aaliyah)
- “No fried chicken for me. I’m vegan/ vegetarian.” There is nothing wrong with being a vegetarian or vegan, but this person is neither. They just say so because of course no black person is a vegetarian.
- “People ask me if my hair is fake all the time” because black people, notably black women, are apparently bald.
- “I’ve been told I’m not black for not playing spades.” All Black People Play Spades? Who knew?
- “People never believe I’m black on the phone” Right, because sounding “white” when you’re not is always a compliment.
- “When people read my name, they assume I am caucasian.” This is not complimentary, but a souvenir of colonialism.
- This person often takes up an interest in alternative music, i.e. Taylor Swift or anyone who isn’t black, and mention it even when the opportunity does not present itself. Jamie often mentions “not getting” or “not able to relate” to R&B, soul, or rap music unless Eminem or Macklemore.
- Jamie imitates white people in the most bizarre and self-deprecating ways–namely, adopting white stereotypes. For example, Jamie may drink a PSL (Pumpkin Spice Latte) in autumn, with the barista’s writing in plain view so that everyone will see.
- Jamie not a part of the black race, but the “human” race.
- Jamie consistently references not being “black enough” for black people.
- Jamie implies that he or she is not like other blacks by mentioning how “surprised” everyone is when they talk to them.
- Jamie mentions that when non-blacks discuss blacks they always exclude them. For example: a. David dismissed Tom’s ideas, but loved mine–John even complimented my outfit! Or they’ll respond favorable to a comment like: “Black people are so angry. Not you Susie, but other blacks are so mean.”
- Jamie will typically not watch any film or movie with blacks in it, or read books authored by black people–not out of principle, but to illustrate their distance from blackness. If inescapable, Jamie will watch/read, but will pretend to be appalled and baffled by the black experience.
- Jamie references their appeal to whites and non-blacks as reflective of “how they carry themselves.” Because only superior blacks warrant the company of whites and other factions right?
Wrong. Oh, so very wrong.
Can you come up with any others?
Whispers of a Womanist 
Wow! This gave me a good snicker 😂 the truth can be stranger than fiction sometimes. The type of black people are extremely White Identified and is equivalent to mental illness.
1. Some blacks that excel in extremely white spaces like golf and Tiger Woods, will have this fake accent and way of talking to sound just like a white boy or white girl. An example of this from my area is Fred Whitfield a world champion black calf roper from Acres Homes in Houston but because he grew up around whites and looked down on blacks he adopted this way of talking that is exactly like a white boy and he married a white woman
2. Another one I observe is blacks squeezing their selves into white spaces where they are clearly not wanted, for example going to a country and western club, as a black male you are definitely not wanted there or the country club, in fact they created that space to get away from us.
3. The newest phenomenon I have witnessed is blacks going to predominantly white churches to distance themselves from blackness. An example of this is the so-called high class blacks who will go to Joel Osteen, when I meet a black person and they tell me they go to Joel Osteen, I already know what time it is and I go straight to minimize contact to minimize conflict.
4. Blacks who say they are Conservatives or Republicans or will proudly fly the Confederate flag. Not much I can say here.
Great points to make the collective think!
This a short clip to display what I mean about Fred Whitfield and just to be clear I am in no way trying to disparage this individual, he is a Victim of Racism White Supremacy like we are, I’m only pointing this out in the spirit of learning and to say when we excel in spaces we are not wanted we do not have to lose our identity. Below is a link so you can see what I mean, we were actually at rodeohouston this night and I remember the interview!
I feel as if I know you well enough to know you are not judging Mr. Whitfield. I think its very important that we as a collective address and study this behavior.
Watching this clip is very ironic. Namely, because Mr. Whitfield is praised for treating this animal in the same way the white gaze treats him. His voice and the way he carries himself exposes that he does not believe the previous sentiments to be true.
Thank you for sharing this clip. Very sad, but necessary to see.
You are so right it is very important we study and address these behaviors. I have Mr. Whitfield’ book, very good by the way, with his unsuccessful attempt to run away from blackness by engulfing himself around whites, marrying a white supremacist woman, it was not enough to protect him from experiencing racism white supremacy, and he experienced a lot, so what’s the point of going through all of that. White People are not mistreating us because of the way we talk, dress, or because they feel we are not smart. White people mistreat black people for one reason and that reason is because we are not white!
I enjoyed the list☺☺