Things Blacks “not like other blacks” Say or Do

VSB (Very Smart Brothas) Writer and Editor Damon Young posted a hilariously brilliant article last month entitled “10 Signs You’ve Just Met a Black Person Who’s About to Tell You ‘I’m Not Other Black People.’” Check out the original article here.

This list, captivating yet colloquial, reminded me of so many people I’ve met in the past who exhibited similar behavior.

Here are my additions to this list. In place of the pronoun “they” this list will implement the unisex name Jamie to reference these fictive black anomalies.

Things Blacks who are “not like other blacks” say or do

  1.  “I don’t like soul food”
  2. “Who?” ( pretends to not know a popular figure that happens to be black i.e. Beyonce, Biggie Smalls, Tupac, Aaliyah)
  3. “No fried chicken for me. I’m vegan/ vegetarian.”  There is nothing wrong with being a  vegetarian or vegan, but this person is neither. They just say so because of course no black person is a vegetarian. 
  4. “People ask me if my hair is fake all the time” because black people, notably black women, are apparently bald. 
  5. “I’ve been told I’m not black for not playing spades.” All Black People Play Spades? Who knew?
  6. “People never believe I’m black on the phone” Right, because sounding “white” when you’re not is always a compliment.
  7. “When people read my name, they assume I am caucasian.” This is not complimentary, but a souvenir of colonialism. 
  8. This person often takes up an interest in alternative music, i.e. Taylor Swift or anyone who isn’t black, and mention it even when the opportunity does not present itself. Jamie often mentions “not getting” or “not able to relate” to R&B, soul, or rap music unless  Eminem or Macklemore. 
  9. Jamie imitates white people in the most bizarre and self-deprecating ways–namely, adopting white stereotypes. For example, Jamie may drink a PSL (Pumpkin Spice Latte)  in autumn, with the barista’s writing in plain view so that everyone will see.
  10. Jamie not a part of the black race, but the “human” race.
  11. Jamie consistently references not being “black enough” for black people. 
  12. Jamie implies that he or she is not like other blacks by mentioning how “surprised” everyone is when they talk to them. 
  13. Jamie mentions that when non-blacks discuss blacks they always exclude them. For example:  a.  David dismissed Tom’s ideas, but loved mine–John even complimented my outfit! Or they’ll respond favorable to a comment like: “Black people are so angry. Not you Susie, but other blacks are so mean.” 
  14. Jamie will typically not watch any film or movie with blacks in it, or read books authored by black people–not out of principle, but to illustrate their distance from blackness. If inescapable, Jamie will watch/read, but will pretend to be appalled and baffled by the black experience.
  15. Jamie references their appeal to whites and non-blacks as reflective of “how they carry themselves.” Because only superior blacks warrant the company of whites and other factions right? 

Wrong. Oh, so very wrong.

Can you come up with any others?